For Whom the Belt Uncoils

“You don’t really think there’s a ghost?” Juliana whispered, clinging to the boy leading her down the dark hallway.

“Still wanna make out?” he laughed.

“At a haunted school? No thanks!”

“You’ve really never heard of Jules’s ghost? Years ago, some freshman was killed here, strangled with his belt by a bunch of drunk seniors. Every Halloween, the ghost rises to seek revenge, luring students here and murdering them the same way.”

“H-here? Anyone?”

“It’s just a dumb story.” He paused to bend over a water fountain. “Probably full of mistakes.”

“Actually, just two,” she murmured, silently unbuckling her belt.

For the Love of Carbon: A Cautionary Tale

She gasped as her fiancé withdrew a velvet jewelry case from his dinner jacket. A wedding present! What could it be? A watch? A bracelet?

The case creaked open to reveal a sharpened, yellow pencil.

Her dismay was evident.

“Darling,” he smiled, “this represents my love more than diamonds ever could! Graphite is a more stable form of carbon, symbolizing the endurance of my commitment. The wooden shell is my lifelong encouragement and support. The point represents your aptitude as a partner, and the eraser is forgiveness of every mistake you make!”

He left with a pencil in his eye.

Pride and Progress

Stranded on an island, a businessman spent the night at the home of two natives. The next morning, they gave him some food and directions to the nearest seaport.

Thankful, yet concerned about his timetable, he asked to see a clock.

“Clock?” they replied. “We don’t know this word.”

The stunned businessman explained his meaning.

“What need?” they said. “We have the sun.”

“What a backward place,” the departing businessman thought, “where they still tell time by the sun!”

Meanwhile, one of the natives remarked, “What a backward place he comes from, where they need machines to find the sun!”

Circles

An atheist philosophy professor was explaining circular reasoning to his class.

“Professor,” a student spoke up, “where does the ability to reason come from?”

“Evolutionary advantage,” he replied tritely.

“From lower animals that can’t reason, by way of natural processes that can’t reason?”

“That’s correct,” he smiled.

“But how can we be sure that something so counterintuitive is even possible?”

“Because it happened,” asserted the professor. “Isn’t that obvious?”

The student rose from her seat to leave.

The professor frowned. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t think I need today’s class,” she replied, “since I now perfectly understand circular reasoning.”