Yawn. Stretch. Morning! Love morning. Get up? No? Okay!
Now? Okay! Outside, please!
Food? Love food! Om-nom-nom-nom-nom.
Done! Time to lick genitals.
Play? Love play! Ball? Stick? Old sock? You pick! Love them all.
Hello, cat! Play? No? Okay! What’s that? Murder me in sleep? You joker!
Doorbell! Evil person! Yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap. Run away, you *bleep* *bleeping* *bleep*—oh, Gary? Love Gary! Lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick.
In trouble? Why? Don’t remember doing that. Sure it wasn’t cat? Oh. So sorry! Lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick.
Other dog! Must sniff! Must hump! No? Why? Other dog wants humped. Trust me. Can tell.
Still no? Fine. Bedtime? Love bedtime! Night-night.